DFW’s Dumbest Criminals

While I am still working on the Carter High story, I decided it’s time for a break from all the death and darkness. Working in the criminal justice system means having the best stories because you can’t make this stuff up. So periodically, I’m going to mix things up with a little palate cleanser. Enjoy three of our dumbest locals, and a bonus runner up.

Runner Up: 

sagging October 1, 2017, our hero,  Mario Malone, 38, was just hanging around outside an apartment complex with his pants down around his ankles. Fort Worth Police were called and arrived to find him sitting on the ground, pants down, which doesn’t sound comfortable at all. But he was sitting on some stairs with the pants down and a black backpack. Police called him by name as soon as they saw him, which is never a good thing. Malone jumped up, pulled up the pants and began stuffing items into them, according to the police report. He took off running, abandoning the backpack which happened to be stuffed with drugs. He was having difficulty since his pants kept falling down and so he took a header down the stairs allowing police to catch him. The only thing injured was his pride. He was sentenced to three years for evading arrest or detention and possession of a controlled substance. Moral of the story: Sagging pants and running from the cops never works out for the criminal.

Third place: 

Chimney rescue
Image courtesy of ABC7

In 2016, would be burglar Michael Washington had a bright idea. There’s one opening to a house that no one ever thinks to lock. He hoisted himself to the roof using a chair and climbing the rest of the way. Then he had a problem. Police were summoned to Vandervort Drive in Oak Cliff because a man was screaming. At 1 am, the Fire Department was called to extricate Washington from the homeowner’s chimney. Washington admitted trying to enter the house through the chimney, but claimed he knew the people who lived there–which was news to them. Then he claimed he was being chased by two men and trying to escape down a handy chimney, as you do.  He was arrested, but that still makes him luckier than a similar burglar who tried the same trick in California but died in his attempt. Moral of the story: There is a reason people don’t crawl into chimneys.

Second place:

big check
Image from bigcheckstore.com

 April 22, 2008, Chase Bank called Fort Worth PD because they suspected  a forgery. The location might run thousands of checks through a day, but there was something odd about the check Charles Fuller presented.

Police arrived and patted down Fuller because of a suspicious bulge in his pocket. Fuller wasn’t just happy to see the police, it was a loaded gun and a baggie of marijuana, neither of which is a good idea in a bank. The check was drawn on the account of Fuller’s girlfriend’s mother, Paula. A quick call to Paula confirmed that she had not given Fuller permission to take a check from her checkbook, much less write one to himself for $360 billion. Yes, that’s billion with a B. Although Fuller loudly protested that Paula wanted him to have that money in order to start his own record label, he was placed under arrest and later sentenced to 9 months in jail. Moral of the story: Maybe aim a little lower for your first crime.

DFW’s First Place:

shamuDecember 12, 2017, a woman parks her car in the garage. Because she closed everything up, she left her purse and military gear in her car. That night, someone breaks in and steals the car, purse, gear and all. In the purse are the woman’s military ID and numerous debit and credit cards. Someone immediately goes on a spending spree. Because this is Texas, the criminals immediately hit Whataburger and then a 7-11 for Swisher Sweets and Fiji Water. After that, the crew of three goes to Walmart. Police pull surveillance from the places the card was used and now they have images of the people involved. Police post the images on social media and immediately the people are identified.

Two of the people come forward to say that the third person in the video, Kaleb “Shamu” Weatherly, picked them both up and said that he had a credit card belonging to his mother. Police issued a warrant for Weatherly. Here is where things take a goofy turn. Apparently, Weatherly took exception to the photo used in his wanted posted. It was “gangsta” enough to suit the pudgy white boy from the suburbs. He took to twitter to express his outrage.

weatherly tweet four

That’s right. He began dropping also his info in his tweets along with that gem of a photo of him holding a gun and trying to look as scary as possible.

weatherly tweet five

You can tell by all the likes how popular he is. Too bad he is a convicted felon with a prior for burglary and not allowed to possess a gun. He doubles down on the proof he illegally owns firearms.




weatherly tweet three

weatherly tweet two

Weatherly tweet one

To the surprise of no one (except perhaps “SHAMU”) Fort Worth Police arrested Weatherly just a week later and seized his weapons. He is currently serving four years in prison. Moral of the story: Maybe don’t confess to crimes on your social media.

Next week I will return with We Run The City and a crime that was bold as it was senseless.